Hey there, beautiful. Today I wanted to write about self-love a little bit. To me, loving myself as a plus-sized, lesbian, Pagan witch with some neuro-spicy brain happening is fucking magical.
It’s the best form of resistance magic that I have – to show up so fully in a world that more and more often screams that it doesn’t want me and people like me to exist means that I am living in a way that screams that I don’t care what you think. I’m here and happy and living my life anyway. Fuck off.
So, I wanted to talk a little about some of the steps I’ve taken (and continue to work with) so that you too can say to hell with the patriarchy, the capitalism that wants us to run our bodies into the ground, to the toxic male gaze, all of it. Enjoy!
Start with Acceptance: Embrace every part of yourself, the good, the not-so-good, and the quirky. You are beautifully unique, flaws and all. This is probably the hardest on the list, and the one I started with? Why? Because I’m an Aries and love a good challenge. This is where journaling has helped me a ton, and why it’s a core practice for me.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially in moments of struggle or “failure”. Treat yourself like you would your best friend—with empathy and understanding. The world is fucking hard enough, mean enough, degrading enough. You don’t need to be your own enemy here. A lot of this work for me was catching when I was talking negatively about myself – and I still do. I’m definitely not 100% perfect and still catch myself saying things like “Ugh, I’m so dumb how could I have messed that up?” Instead I try to catch myself and say “This is a learning experience, and I’m learning new ways to move through the world with this information.” It’s hard! I’m not going to lie to you, but it makes me feel a lot better knowing that I’m not beating myself up for being a human with human flaws.
Set Boundaries: Know your limits and honor them. Say no when you need to, and don’t feel guilty about it. Your well-being comes first. Remember that a well crafted boundary isn’t you listing out things that other people can’t do; a boundary is when you set up parameters for how you’ll react when someone disrespects you. I’ll be creating a blog post all around this so stay tuned!
Nurture Your Body: Feed it nourishing foods, move it in ways that feel good, and give it plenty of rest. Your body is your home; treat it with love and respect. Nourishment looks different on different days as well, fed is better than not, and I will never ever ever be one of those bitches that preaches about food. The only “bad” foods there are are the ones that are spoiled or that you’re allergic to. While I would love if everyone had access to whole, local, foods I know that’s not the case so I will never be preaching about food here. This has been extra hard for me to navigate since my diabetes/PCOS diagnosis back in April. I’m still doing my very best, and sometimes that looks like indulging in some sugar free chocolate as I’m sobbing on the couch.
Celebrate Your Achievements: Big or small, every accomplishment deserves recognition. Take pride in what you’ve done and acknowledge your progress. You’re doing amazing, babe! I actually have a document on my computer at work of my “running achievements” and each time I recognize I’m a bad bitch I update it. It’s got little things like “found a cheaper paper product supplier” all the way to “found predecessor’s mistake and fixed it and saved us 5k.” When I’m feeling like I’m having a rough day I go back to the list and see the receipts of just how amazing and smart and capable I am.
Practice Gratitude: Focus on the abundance in your life, no matter how small. Gratitude opens your heart to love and positivity. Some days you’ll be able to journal pages and pages about all the good in your life. Some days you’ll have a sentence that reads “I survived,” and that’s ok. This isn’t about false positivity, spiritual bypassing, or any of the other hollow nonsense that goes along with gratitude practices. This is about recognizing that like attracts like and trying to shift your mindset can help to shift your outlook and your day. It’s not going to be perfect all the time though, and it’s important to recognize that your gratitude practice, on some days, will just being grateful that you’re here, alive, breathing, safe, clothed, fed.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: Surround yourself with people who lift you up and inspire you to be the best version of yourself. This sort of ties in with boundaries and self-compassion, if I’m honest. The world is mean enough you don’t need people who aren’t 100% supporting you. Your circle should be uplifting you, not making you feel like shit. If that’s the case, it’s time to make some shifts so that you’re around people that you want to be around. Remember to show up for the people in your life like you want them to show up for you as well.
Invest in Self-Care: Make time for activities that replenish your soul, whether it’s reading a book, taking a bubble bath, or going for a nature walk. Self-care is essential for your well-being. If you don’t make time, your body will eventually make time for you
Forgive Yourself: Let go of past mistakes and forgive yourself for any perceived shortcomings. You’re human, and you’re allowed to make mistakes. What matters is how you grow from them. I try to remember that, at any given time, we’re all doing the best we can, with what we have, where we are. It’s ok to make mistakes and to learn and grow and make amends when needed. Then we can try to process those feelings and move on, instead of allowing those past hauntings to use up so much of our mental, emotional, and spiritual energies.
Practice Affirmations: Speak kindly to yourself and affirm your worthiness. Repeat positive affirmations daily to rewire your mindset for self-love and confidence.
Be well, love you
Autumn
The Untamed Priestess